Wish I had said that

If you live enough life, someone will beat diplomacy into you to the point that you will say the polite, correct, politically correct or generally accepted by society statements almost all the time. After all, it's the safe thing to do. But haven't you ever gotten so mad, so aggravated, so frustrated, that you just wanted to spew the truth--no matter how it made you appear?
With tongue planted firmly in cheek, the following poster did just that and I almost fell out of my chair laughing while reading his ad.
I love smart satire and you just know that this guy has had his fill. This is a very recent ad placed in the "musicians available" section of the Dallas Observer that is re-printed here without permisssion...but what the hell-- just in case you missed it:

"Lethargic drummer seeks boring cover band...

Lethargic drummer seeks boring cover band - prefer doing same old club song list so I don't have to put forth any great effort like with any dynamic rock, pop, blues, jazz, fast country or that funky stuff. Drunk friends and family love ya anyway. The more hick and burned out FM classic rock stuff we play the better. The occasional Metallica or Pantera tune is cool too - I 'm in touch with my primal self and I like feeling nauseous. Prefer a band with a terrible female lead singer that sounds like a cross between Fran Dresher laughing and a pig being slowly tortured. Having a guitarist that consistently plays off key and out of tune leads or a bass player with no since of timing or rhythm is a plus. That tuning and timing stuff is so over rated - it's all noise after the first couple of pitchers anyway. The stickier the floors are at a gig the better. Playing weddings is cool so at least we get to drink and eat free, maybe pick up a couple of them single desperate house wives! Will play for warm beer, bad dope or for free if there's beer AND Hooter's chicks involved. Making money's no big thing, I can make drums from garbage cans, cymbals from garbage can lids, use tree limbs for sticks, cardboard for heads - sounds as good as any DW kit - and I carry it all on my Schwinn Cotton-Picker bike to the jams (it has an extra rack on the handle bars if anyone needs their gear hauled to a gig!). I'm a tree hugging environmental hippy that thought the Dixie Chicks was a new Southern style combo at at Popeye's - so I'm easily fooled too. Seriously, I do own an authentic 1960s Camber cymbal with some key-holing and it has just 2 cracks in it, but my cousin cut it down with a chain-saw so it sounds better than new - even has a nice sizzle sound that scares off rats. Like dragging my kit out to jam with bands that are about to break up or are constantly fighting and pouting like spoiled high school girls. I can replace a good drummer if your tired of that half-ass beat and want that dynamic got no ass at all beat. Oh yea - I've been playing since before birth, been in a thousands bands, don't have any contacts in "the biz" and have absolutely no idea what I'm doing - but will consider getting signed, going on tour and becoming a big Hollywood rock star. Flaky inquiries only please - hate to waste the time of serious working pros. And if you believe all that crap, DON'T EVEN bother contacting me!Pro gear, pro attitude, pro sneakers, pro underwear, pro America, EZ going, fear God, don't own any baggy shorts and apparently have a sense of humor."

This is my new best friend...and I don't even know him.