Join a Band...Get your arse kicked

This forum....writing my thoughts about drumming and the DFW music arena is more for and about me than any potential readers. It may have no readers at all and that's fine. It's my outlet to say things that rattle around in my head and would stay in there, rattling around, if it weren't for this blog.
So, I feel I can comment on anything without repercussions. After all, these are my opinions and not necessarily those of this station.
As I usually do everyday...I'm trolling through the musician wanted classifieds on line and run across this little jewel. I'm telling you (or me...whoever is reading this) this stuff just cannot be made up.

Again, I'll post the ad verbatim, in it's entirety and add my comments through a drummers ears in parentheses.

The headline is: established local band seeks solid drummer (I'm gonna have to knock of 10 points for mis-capitalization)

We are an established local band looking for a solid drummer with finesse and a strong work ethic. (So far OK...might be a promising opportunity) We open national and international shows regularly (uh-oh, look out for the embellishment...she's gonna blow) as well as play a great deal of local shows in general. (as opposed to playing a great deal of local shows in corporal) We are looking for a competent drummer (that will lay down at the door so we can wipe our feet on him as we enter the room) that is capable of playing out of town shows on occasion (paying your own way and loaning us some money to travel) as well recording and furthering ourselves as a band and musicians. (We can't do this by ourselves) We are not simply interested in being local but going as far as possible with our music. (All the way to Waco, if possible) We are all very dedicated to this vision and expect the same from possible candidates. (Look we're expecting "ones" and "ones" of candidates, so we're gonna strike as much fear and intimidation into you as we can) Please no drug users ( social drinking is acceptable as long as it is in moderation) (and you supply the beer at every rehearsal) no egotistical fu#@s (confidence is ones ability is one thing, an ego will get your ass kicked)(ooooo, can I get my ass kicked, please), must be able to show for practice at least 3 times a week (exceptions will be made for certain events, things do happen that no one can control)(Death for example....we would excuse your absence due to your death, but don;t let it happen again), Must be willing to pay your share of the rent for practice space (Rent as of now is $50 a member and due the first of every month, no exceptions) (And if it keeps going up, don't worry...everyone is paying the same amount...as far as you know). If you feel you can abide by these requests, please contact the e-mail (m******75@yahoo.com) address given and we can get you samples of the material (not completed songs, just samples....we don't want you THAT prepared) we already have and would be more than happy to setup an audition. (So we can kick your ass)
p.s. if you can't play a blast beat (at least 400 BPM... accurately) or count past the number blue, (the number black follows blue, right?) don't waste your time or ours. (We'll be just fine without you...we'll just kick each others asses)