Everybody wants one, no one can have one

Being a drummer, I've heard all the jokes. Most make me laugh, some make me cringe. There's a lot of truth in humor.
I completely understand that my brethren have made cause and case for the often used label, "flaky". I prefer "crunchy", but "flaky" it is.

There is, however, a menace to the the music world that out-flakes all other species in the flaky music kingdom. That of the keyboardist.

This ever elusive creature stirs about without "people skills" necessary to carry on even the most benign of conversations. The keyboardists demands are great and expectations even greater. This is without a doubt, the "holier than thous" of them all.

Clever too. Those who seek to capture a keyboardist soon discover that it is the keyboardist that has, in fact captured them. They're quick to overcome common sense. Quick to charm those around them with melodic sounds giving reason and meaning to music, even adding enormous possibilities that never before existed.

Lo, once this musical beast has lay root and captured the hearts and minds of those around them, the games soon begin. Like a lion plays with it's food before consuming, the keyboardist soon begins to lay the foundation for their future relationship within the new tribe.

Practice? Keyboardists don't practice. Practice is for the weak and foolish. Practice takes time and effort and the keyboardist has neither... For the keyboardist has "skills" and never makes mistakes.

Start-ups? You amuse the keyboardist like no other. The keyboardist simply swats away the notion like one would a pesky housefly.

Ideas? Now you're just really getting on the keyboardists nerves. The keyboardist doesn't want to hear your ideas. They only want to speak their own ideas. Everyone must listen, savor and employ the keyboardists ideas.

New songs? You anger the keyboardist. There are no new songs worthy of the keyboardists efforts. The keyboardist has spent an entire lifetime... often times, many minutes, perhaps even a few hours, learning the songs they already know. This is enough for the keyboardist. You must play what the keyboardist already knows.

Pay? Now you're talking the keyboardists language. You must not only pay but sacrifice to keep your keyboardist in the fold. If that means others must suffer...so be it.

Commitment? This fascinates the keyboardist. Surely everyone knows and understands that no one entity could ever completely "possess" a keyboardist. No. The keyboardist must remain free and untethered to ply their immense talents to others...many others. For you see, the keyboardist lives to capture the hearts and minds of all who would believe the notion that to have a keyboardist is necessary in the musical world.

I once thought I might become a keyboardist. I toyed with the idea of joining the elite group of artists and zen masters who mesmerize, seemingly effortlessly and gifting all who will hear the magic contained in their fingertips.

Sadly, I can't. It turns out I have a heart and a soul.