Holy Sh%t! You just cannot make this up!

Oh, I had to capture this quickly, cause it won't survive the break of day. A "drummer needed" post so absurd, so maniacal, so insane, it's damn near indescribable. So without further delay.... (with my comments in parenthesis)... I bring you....(drum role please)...

Need a real drummer, no little bitches allowed

thats right, just as the title states. we have gone through several "musicians" who either didnt have the chops to keep up and play on a professional level, or they were whiny little bitches about too many things. (like being in our band) we have some great things coming up for our band, and we need a drummer who is 110% dedicated and serious (cause you ain;t gettin paid....bank on it). here's a few ground rules: 1)if youre in an original local band, dont expect to be paid (see, I told you), and if you do be grateful (better yet, just give it to the rest of the band) ; these business's that let you play on THEIR stage, using THEIR equipment, and they're paying THEIR sound guy to set it all up...what is their incentive to pay just another among dozens upon dozens of local bands something just to play there? (I mean aside from making a load of money off their alcohol sales) throw some ice on your ego and deflate your delusion that you're already a rockstar (You're not and we can prove it...cause we're not) ; being paid to perform despite how many people you bring to the show is something to work towards (you know, when you're pushing 50 wondering what you did with your life and your musical talents)..if you want that, join a cover/variety band; thats what theyre for (getting paid). so dont be a little bitch about "getting paid" (see, I told you...bitch)...make that a goal instead of your short term unrealistic solution. (Yeah and try to achieve it in your lifetime, bitch) 2)have a car, or some sort of transportation. (Mom says we can't pick up any more friends who act weird and smell funny, bitch) 3)have a way to put gas in the car, bare minimum; (Mom says she ain't got no money tree in the backyard, bitch) we'll work out other expenses as they come. (Rest assured, you'll owe us, bitch) im not even employed myself (Shocker), but i still manage to have money one way or another to get to every practice and show. (you just have to pull the hood up over your face in the 7-11, bitch) 4)HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. if you do drugs and it rules your life, getting that next high, you wont mesh with us, or if youre an alcoholic, or if youre a flake, or whatever (uh, what was I sayin'?...Oh yeah, bitch) ...if you cant devote yourself to a band because of ANY reason, including a wife or family that will hold you back, please dont bother (maybe after your divorce, we might talk to you, bitch) ..we need that level of commitment for how serious we are about this band. someone who can go on tour if need be. (and pay for all of us, bitch) 5)be a real musician...please? (I thought you were looking for a drummer) if your timing is off, or you cant play to a click, youre not where you need to be to play with us. (cause we goooood, bitch)we dont expect Dethklok double bass drumming, but a little double bass ability would be nice. (bitch...sorry, just had to throw that in) 6)i think having your own kit is an obvious requirement (sticks too, bitch)...but where we practice, in grapevine, there are a couple kits you can use for practice (the rent is real cheap, but so are the kits, bitch) so you dont have to lug your kit around each time, but you will need to for shows. (lug your kit to the shows, bitch and don;t bitch about it) 7)we got nothing against you older rockers out there ('cept you're old and you're rockers, bitches)...but we need someone to fit an image (You know...a bitchy image), as we are aiming at the mainstream hardrock/alternative metal genre (thus you being our bitch) ; please be between 21 and 30 (we like our bitches young and juicy) I think that about covers it...were really nice guys (can't you tell already?) and were very laid back and easy going (just a little crabby...I mean bitchy), just extremely aggravated with all the bullshit thats been thrown at us recently (with bitchy drummers), so thats the reason for this approach. :) (they even made us print the smiley face...the bitches) anyway, you can check our tunes out at www.myspace.com/ksjdfkkd so if you think you can make the cut, get back at me (bitch), preferably through email here to keep things organized; thanks! (don't make me have to come get all bitch on you bitch)