This could get me in big trouble. I could loose my membership in the “drummer club”. I could get called on the carpet by the grand poobah of drummers. By revealing these secrets I may have to kill…or at the very least, wag my finger and admonish readers never to repeat these to anyone.
(Gulp) Here goes…
Reason Number 1 …Your set list sucks
It’s tired, old and repetitive. I mean why does every… and I do mean every rock cover band insist on playing “Sweet Home Alabama”, “Brick house” and “Play That Funky Music”. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve played these songs…well, I’d have a lot of nickels. I once thought if I played these songs one more time, my arms would fall off. Look, this is how bad it’s gotten… I can play them with my eyes closed. I did last week-end.
I grew up playing music from great drummers. Danny Seraphine, Alan White, Steve Gadd, Steve Smith, Neil Peart, Vinnie Colaiuta, Prairie Prince, John Wilcox, Joe Vitale, Will Calhoun, Billy Cobham, Bernard Purdy and other similar greats. None of whom I would venture to guess ever played that funky music, white boy!
These days I listen to Keith Carlock, Carter Beauford, Taylor Hawkins, Butch Vig, Abe Laboriel, Jr.,
Nick D'Virgilio, Dave Grohl, Hilary Jones and other similar greats. None of whom has ever played that funky music, white boy!
I’ve never considered Artimus Pyle a great drummer. I give him his due for walking out of the plane wreckage that killed Ronnie Van Zandt, but I never personally followed drummers who went to jail for having sexual contact with their own kids as Pyle did, or drummers who killed themselves with drugs as did Keith Moon and John Bonham. There are too many other great drummers with positive life stories to follow.
I’ve never even heard of
Ron Beitle. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Wild Cherry drummer’s name on anyone’s list of drum influences. I’ll even submit that you’ve probably never heard of him until I mentioned him just now. In fact “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Play That Funky Music” are better known for the controversial racial overtones of the lyrics than there place in chart history.
I don’t understand the fascination with these songs and why everyone is so mesmerized and compelled to play them. Do you?
Reason Number 2... You’re looking for a timekeeper and not necessarily a band mate.
Most bands would think they’d died and gone to heaven if a drummer would rehearse 3 times a week, show up on time to gigs, bring a great sounding kit, set it up in 20 minutes, play everything on the set lists without a mistake, pack it up after the gig and never say a word. Bands don’t want to hear a drummer’s suggestions (especially song suggestions) or opinions. They don’t want to answer our questions. I’ve seriously been to auditions where no one even asked my name.
Some bands are even afraid to speak to drummers for fear they might speak back. When allowed to speak, I’ve occasionally suggested to some bands that there drums needs might best be met with the Boss DR-880 drum machine.
Reason number 3… How many Metal bands do we really need?
Let’s see…join a metal band, practice 3 times a week with guitar players who get pass out drunk and grind in drop-d to “Acid Bath” until the singer growls up a lung, never gig and see how many ways the f-word can be used in one verse. Oh yeah, sit in the parking lot of the rehearsal studio and curse drummers who don’t/won’t show up for practice. Priceless.
Reason #4… How many bad original bands do we really need?
Let’s see… join an original band, practice 3 times a week with people who play songs with no more than 3 chords and no lyrics, never gig and sit in the parking lot of the rehearsal studio and curse drummers who don’t/ won’t show up for practice. Priceless.
Reason #5… You’re not good.
“Professional” musicians earn their living making music. “Successful” musicians earn enough money making music to pay their living expenses and still have expendable income. I don’t know very many of those in Dallas. It’s been my experience that a lot of people playing music here simply have unreasonable expectations of their skills and the skills of the people they’re looking to join them. Face it, if you were as good as you think you are you’d be in Nashville, Los Angeles or New York making your living as a successful musician or at least a professional musician.
Reason #6 … You have no “people skills”.
You’re rude, obnoxious, boring, egotistical, pompous, and arrogant and you’re the music director of the band. Also see #5.
Reason #7… You play for yourself and not for your audience
The litmus test for determining set lists should be…”is this a song our audience would like to hear”. Instead of “is this a song we would like to play”. Don’t kid yourself. I’ve been in too many set list meetings to know better. The difference in what to put in set lists is the number one reason bands split up.
Reason #8 …There is a serious difference in the definition of genre’s
I will answer an ad for a variety band and the set lists is comprised of songs from ZZ Top and songs from Travis Tritt…and while that does represent “variety”, my definition of variety might be playing songs from Earth, Wind and Fire AND No Doubt.
Your definition of a dance band might be music from Rick Springfield AND Delbert McClinton and yes, I’ve seen people dance to both, my definition of a dance band might be music from Kreo and Rihanna.
There is a chasm of difference between the definitions and finding middle ground is almost impossible.
Reason #9… You have no plan and no time lime.
You’re putting a band together or re-starting a band that has no plan and no time line for getting to stage. You don’t know where you’re going to rehearse or even worse, you’re looking for a drummer who lives in a house you can rehearse in. Your plan is to talk some bars into letting you do free shows…you know, “for the exposure” and just take it from there and see where it goes. The audition begins with, “OK, what does everybody wanna play?”
Not a good way to motivate a drummer into sticking around through the audition.
Reason #10…You play the drums but only vicariously through the drummer you’re auditioning
OK, #’s 2, 5 and especially 6 apply here. I’ve been to auditions and the self proclaimed “music director”… normally a guitar player will stare at me while playing, stop and say, “Look dude…I want you on the ride cymbal there on that part and the fill goes like this”.
This is the point where I throw my sticks in the stick bag and start packing my kit.
These are just 10 off the top of my head. There are more….many, many more reasons why you can’t find or keep a drummer. I had a call just today from Cletus in Fort Worth who called to say he and another guitar player were looking for a drummer who could keep up. They're just playing a couple of small bars for free right now...you know...for the "exposure". I politely declined the invitation and then he called again three hours later forgetting that we had just spoken. Sheer genius.
